What healthy emotional wellness really looks like

In a culture that celebrates hustle, achievement, and constant productivity, it's easy to overlook the subtle signs that our mental and emotional well-being may be suffering. Many people appear to have it all together on the outside while quietly navigating anxiety, burnout, overwhelm, or feelings of disconnection.

For this edition, we spoke with Jill Smith, founder of Jill Smith & Associates, about the hidden signs of emotional distress, why slowing down feels so difficult for so many of us, and what healthy emotional wellness actually looks like in everyday life. 

Jill offers practical wisdom for anyone looking to care for their mental health in a more intentional way.

Q. What are some common signs someone may be struggling mentally or emotionally even if they appear “fine” on the outside?

A. Most of us know how to put on a metaphorical mask and get through the day — faking it so the outside world has no idea. But when life is really veering in the wrong direction and we are unhappy with our choices, our jobs and ourselves, it will show up in our sleep, our gut health and our focus.

When we are stressed, worried and unhappy, we will have trouble falling and staying asleep or we may feel we cannot ever feel rested — despite a long night in bed. Our gut will react and our body routines (aka bathroom) will suffer because we often aren’t choosing healthy, high-fiber, fresh foods. We are eating on the run and not taking the time for nutrition. When we are depressed or anxious, the ability to focus and lose ourselves in a task or project diminishes because our brains are fixated elsewhere.

Q. Why do you think high-functioning anxiety and burnout have become so normalized?

A. We love to achieve and we love to feel like we are on the rise — making more money, having more things to do, being recognized, keeping up with friends on social. These things are not bad — except remember social media is everyone’s highlight reel. Don’t ever think they tell the whole story.

However, if you don’t look for and find meaning in your life, it will be a never-ending climb. Meaning makes it all make sense and makes one feel you have arrived; you don’t need any more. Doing something you believe is meaningful, helping others (directly or indirectly) is often at the heart of meaning.

Q. Why do so many people struggle with slowing down or resting without guilt?

A. We have lost the art of slowing down, largely because our phones keep our brains hyperactive. And so stopping to rest, to swing in a hammock, to ride on a boat, or take a long walk just listening to the birds, has become almost difficult. We (subconsciously) feel like the world is turning without us and we feel restless.

The truth is all the stuff will wait for us. It is never, ever all done. My mom used to tell me, “Honey, enjoy life because there is always something left to do… don’t let that drive you.” So it's okay to rest. You need it. You are worth it.

Q. How can someone tell the difference between being busy/tired and being emotionally overwhelmed?

A. “Busy-tired” has an element of feeling good. Like after a day spent planting your vegetable garden or helping out at a food kitchen. Or helping your parents clean out a room. Or finishing a tough week at work.

Being “emotionally overwhelmed” is often a state of longing for peace and understanding. Why do I feel so bad? What part of this is in my control? Why is all this happening to me? I can’t find my way.

Q. What are a few simple ways people can support their mental health on a daily basis?

A. I am leaning more and more into the philosophy of stoicism. Although I am early in my learning, I am coming to understand it is the simple act of finding what you can control and loving the rest. Not only accepting the rest but loving the rest. Even the hard stuff.

This simple idea of realizing we can control so very much — the way we perceive someone, the way we respond, the way we stop ruminating, the way we take a breath and relax our shoulders. It is all okay and we can make it so.

There is also an element of believing that there is always a reason something unwanted has happened, and yet there is always something better in store.

These are ideas and life philosophies that take time and intentionality to cultivate.

Q. What misconceptions about therapy do you wish more people understood?

A. I am loving that therapy/counseling is becoming so normalized. It is finally becoming a routine part of self-care and health care. People are openly talking about their therapist and saying, “Hey, I gotta go to my therapy appointment!”

Therapy is not just about having a crisis or a problem to solve. Sure, it's great to have your therapist on tap when these things occur. But therapy is an every-week appointment you keep. It is a gift to yourself, like going to the gym. Each session builds your emotional strength. It is a mind-clearing, mind-shifting, self-loving place to be for 50 minutes. That is just about you.

Whatever you choose to talk about, it really doesn't matter. You will feel better afterwards.

Q. What does healthy emotional wellness realistically look like in everyday life?

A. Leaning into what you can control, loving even the bad stuff or the “shadow side” (because it is always around — so why not embrace it?), working to forgive your parents, liking yourself, and raising children wherever you find them.

Wave at that kid on the bike, offer a hand, believe in yourself. Control what you can. Love the rest. Go to therapy.